What did completing this 5K show me? Lots more about me! Leading up to this event, I was worried that my BODY was going to fail me. Since surgery I have waivered on the hydration/dehydration aspect. I really felt as if my body was going to fail me. I was worried I wouldn't make it thru the race due to dehydration. Or that I wasn't able to complete an obstacle due to loss of muscle mass. All this was that I was still making excuses NOT to do something. My body surpassed my expectations and showed me, there is no reason to NOT do it. I am just like everyone else. Since surgery I have used the surgery as a crutch, something to back up why or why not I may or may not be able to do things. By no means was this surgery a crutch! Yes, I do not get enough fluids to meet my daily needs, but that doesn't mean that I can not survive a 5k! Yes, I may or may not be getting an overall decent amount of protein to make sure I do not loose too much muscle, but if I have had muscle loss, I wouldn't have noticed it on Sunday, as I did not struggle on any obstacle. I completed them all.
I have been watching the biggest loser, and extreme weight loss shows for years, and I knew the one thing I would encounter is the battle against my brain. I knew at some point during this 5k my brain would attempt to tell me I have done enough and can not move on. I was expecting this.... this never came!!! This shows me I have changed. I remember in November, We went to visit my mom and we went to Tampa Zoo, and we were walking from the back of the zoo to the car to leave and my feet were in so much pain. I made up reasons why someone needed to go get the car and meet me and the boys at the gate before we were even half way back to the front of the zoo. I had given up, well before. I wanted to cry I was in so much pain. This isnt the only occasion I can think of. I know I was 130+ pounds, my poor little feet had a reason to scream that day... but I let that pain control my brain. Though my feet never felt that kind of pain on Sunday, I was still expecting my brain to try to tell me I couldn't do it. At some points I would think it quickly, which was just the lazy side of me talking, but before the idea was able to be fully processed through me, I thought happy thoughts. I knew I had no choice but to keep going.
As some know, I am an oldschool R&B/rap lover (takes me back to highschool) and the lyrics in an Eminem song kept playing in my head, (LANGUAGE WARNING) "Success is my only mothafuckin' option, failure's not". I was walking beatin' to my own tune, I knew I had it in me.
All along, I knew I would complete it. I just NEVER NEVER NEVER knew how easy it would have been! I underestimated myself, by a long shot. Now, don't go and think I ran the whole thing, cause I wasn't that crazy. :-) I ran some, okay, I jogged some, I walked most, but the point is, I finished it! As we were turning the corner to see the finish line. I look at Joey and I say "This wasn't that bad, I mean i'm tired, but I am not in pain." His response to me, Ill never forget... "Yea you didn't whine like I thought you would." He is sooo right, any other time in my life, I would have whined every ounce of the way.
I can not wait for the next one...
