What I meant to say yesterday...

Friday I went to my pre op appointment. At that appointment Dr. Kelley told me that I am one of the healthiest patients he has had in a while and especially going to be doing surgery on this week. He told me its nice to finally do a patient that this surgery is meant for, someone who is at the risk of all the obesity side effects but still has major room to improve, room for this surgery to work perfectly. All that being said, even though I have NAFLD, High BP and a BMI over 51. I am the healthiest?? So, how do I take that? I take it as a pass. (cause this is what fatties do, right?) I take it as a pass, that I can eat. He gave me a free hall pass for eating, didn't you get that from the conversation? Well I did. Friday night I ate, don't even remember what now... Saturday I ate mexican, YES MEXICAN, cheese dip and all.... Sunday  I had some rotisserie chicken and a small serving of RICE... UGH.... In my head all this was okay because I was the "healthiest." 

As I am eating my rotisserie chicken, savoring each and every bite, I realize, I was savoring the moment as if I am about to loose my best friend. This is a friend who got me thru hard times, a friend I shared moments with for every event in my life... Sad/mourning (eating after funerals, depressed days), celebrations (showers, weddings, graduations), social (girl talk, family time) Whatever the case may be... food is what it surrounded. "What/where are we going to EAT?"  What event do you go to that there isn't food?? 

Its a friendship, that I am not mentally or emotionally ready to give up... I feel as if I didn't say a proper goodbye. 

All this has to sound crazy, I know it does.... but its real. Weightloss Surgery is not the "easy way out." I'm not sure if there is an easy way out. I am going stir crazy, swirling down, hoping I don't land flat on my face... I sure hope I do not become a weightloss surgery failure due to my addiction to food. As I learned in one of my classes I took... this is a "Surgical intervention due to the disease of Obesity." For whatever reason any one is doing this procedure, it boils down to, we all have a disease, and it stems from the addiction of food. 

These words remind me, I am doing this for the right reasons.... 

Surgical intervention due to the disease of Obesity