Basketcase...

Today I am a basket full of emotions... a full blown basketcase. I woke up this morning, knowing I will not have (ever again or atleast for a long while) some of my favorite foods. Lasagna, alfredo, Olive Garden, big giant double quarter pounder, or better yet, Fuddruckers big one, fried chicken.... ahhh how I love chicken fingers.... macaroni and cheese, BAKED of course.. fried rice... Seasons of Japan/Masatos... Fried shrimp drenched in garlic butter... going to the all you can eat seafood buffets, Ill never feel like I'd get my moneys worth again... who eats only a pound (probably way less) of crab legs? Not I... I can down them, of course, drenched in that butter again... Monte Cristo from Cheddars, OMG, sooo good, and absolutely FATTY... I can say goodbye all day long to sweets, chocolate, chips and all that junk food... but the foods mentioned above is what I am going to miss. 

Also with the fact that Ill be 'losing' these foods, came emotions. I thought I was sick today. After a while, when practically alone, I realized, I feel fine... im just depressed. I AM DEPRESSED ABOUT THIS???? URRRGGGHHHH!!! And to think a month or more ago, I would not have even admitted I had a food addiction. Its real... I know its real. 

Along with the emotions of losing my best friend, I am also getting scared. I know I wasn't supposed to eat, I could have easily been allowed just the meat, but I know the other things, I should not have had... Will this jeopardize my health during surgery?? I sure hope not, I have a family to get back to. 

Please pray for me, as I enter this journey. Pray that there is no issues during and after surgery. Pray that I find the strength to get through this. Pray as I continue to fight an addition... a real addiction, that slowly is going to kill me if I do not overcome it. 

I have cried my eyes out several times today... hugging my babies, my husband, its getting the best of me... I have to stay strong...