Are you an enabler?

This was
my facebook status today...

"Looking back at photos...even though I don't cook, I tend to express my love for people thru food... People in my life who have expressed their love for me thru food, assisted me in becoming obese. I am fighting that battle daily, and will for the rest of my life as it is now an addiction. Do you express your love thru food? Are you enabling someone to become unhealthy? Lets work on that! Find other ways to express love to each other!!"

I was on break, looking through older pics and I come across a pretty afternoon picture of a day Joey was at work, the boys and I had a picnic in the front yard, cause Nicholas LOVES picnics. Instead of the normal sandwiches at most picnics, we ordered papa johns! Nicholas and Braxton LOVE pizza, and I can't say I complained. I ordered it my way, extra cheese and extra pepperoni, and had to order cheese sticks as that was a must with pizza.

This made me realize... the people I learned about in support groups and counseling... the ones that hender you from getting to your goal, on purpose or totally unknowing that they are. Theres people like that in all of our lives, thats with ANY addiction. There are those who ENABLE us. There are those who show their love to us thru feeding to our ADDICTIONS. It made me realize, that at a young age, I am teaching them to express their love with food... and its NOT something I want to do!

You may read this and think, "Ashley its not like your strung out on drugs or cant put the alcohol bottle down, or cant stop shootin up" Well, honestly, my addiction to food is just as real as all of those addictions. The difference being, people addicted to those such things done HAVE TO HAVE their addictions to live. Unfortunately someone addicted to food HAS to still have food. Overcoming any addiction is hard.... like if an Alcoholic is trying to recover, people supporting them would make sure alcohol is not in plain sight of him, the temptation is too big. But for a person addicted to food, people supporting them can not possibly keep food from sight, food is needed for everyone around. Is that making sense to those who doubt food addiction is real and hard?

I have been given this powerful tool, that right now, is very easily making pounds drop (minus my getting sick pretty frequently) But eventually this new stage is going to wear off and I am going to be left alone. The first step in facing this battle is knowing my weaknesses. I admit, I am Ashley Aeger, and yes, I am addicted to food. I am not so much of an eater when I am alone or even emotional (like sad) but if theres something needing to be celebrated, IM IN... if it involves a good of people eating, IM IN, if it involves putting a smile on my boys faces, IM IN..... I like to social eat, if left alone, I wont eat, but get me someone else to eat with, its ON!

As every family, we eat at holidays, we have our special places to eat out, food brings people together... if you invite people over... they are gonna EXPECT food, even if its just dessrt for a birthday, LOL... you better have food if you have a group of people over!

Yes, now, I know (not saying I didnt know before, but maybe didnt think it was THAT bad) but now I know that I have to make the food I select to bring to gatherings, healthier. I am in the process of learning to make better choices, mixed in them choices are my same old choices, trying to pop back up. Thankfully, due to the tool of GB, I make pretty decent choices, and if I stray, normally I regret it pretty quickly. Or if I dont regret it, atleast in my mind, I know "ALL THINGS IN MODERATION". Portion size was a huge problem of mine.

Knowledge is power.... I feel like I have the knowledge to be successful at this journey, I just hope this knowledge really turns into POWER! I have NEVER had will power when dieting.... but this isnt a diet any longer... this is a life style change.

Its funny how food can strike memories... and sometimes we eat that food to get them memories. Sweet tea... its a staple in my memory of my mema, boy was her sweet tea good. The thought of sweet tea brings me the warmth of my memas hug, the coldness of her hands touching my face, oh how I miss her! But as much as I love thinking of her everytime I pick up a glass of sweet tea, that tea is not going to bring her back.... its not going to make the pain go away from missing her. By no means what so ever is it going to HELP me.

My friend Cody who passed away.... big fat juicy hamburgers remind me of him... he worked at Ronnies, who had a huge burger.... he always thought it was cool to enter them burger eating contest.... I remember always trying to out do him, but never could. (thank goodness now, id probably have an extra 100 pounds to shed). He worked at ruby tuesdays for a while, he would bring home the colossal burger they used to have and we would compete... COMPETE... did you hear that?? Ugh it makes me sick to think of it now! The worst place was B&D burger... they (used to?) have the menu item of this huge hamburger with fries and if you could eat it all, it was free, if not it was like 20 bucks! I can not tell you how many times we attempted that! (I can not believe I just admitted all that, LOL) But again... the place a big fat juicey burger takes me, is not going to bring him back, not going to take the pain from missing him away, its not going to help me at all!!!

Everyone in my life, I could probably name a memory that involves them and FOOD. When you think about that, its sad. Why are our lives revolved around FOOD! 

My goal in the next year, is to learn how to choose/prepare HEALTHY meals for my family. I dont want to be the parents who feed our children all that processed junk (not condeming those who do, as I am one of them right now). I want to teach them healthy habits, but first I have to teach myself that. I want to be just as consumed in food as I am now... but I want it to be because "I need food to live, not that I live for food." (famous quote in the WLS world).

Thanks for listening to me ramble... oh and on another note.... imagine a hill... your almost to the top, you can see beyond the top, to the land on the other side.... well thats where I am on the scale.... I never though I would see the numbers that I can see on that scale (bottom of the hill), im pushing forward, trying to get over the "hill" when on the other side, in no time ill be at the bottom, and that my guys.... will be a cause for CELEBRATION in my book.... but its not going to evolve unhealthy food LOL!!!

Later--- Bratty ash!